Heartache Warfare
by gathers-no-moss
Summary: Later, she'll think maybe that should have been her first clue. Jack/Kate; post- SNBH


**Title:** heartache warfare  
><strong>Rating:<strong> PG-13/T (for language)  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> S4: _Something Nice Back Home_, S5: _The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham  
><em>**Words: **1098  
><strong>Summary: <strong>Everything is crumbling down around her.  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Takes place during the weeks between SNBH and TLDJB, which according to the Lost Wiki, is from the end of August to October 2007.  
><strong>Author's Note2:<strong> I miss Jate. I hope I'm not too rusty writing them.

* * *

><p>Words, his walking away, the slam of the door, they all vibrate through her skin until she thinks she'll explode from all the anger and pain. The few tears that fall, drip onto Aaron's small frame, and she tightens her grip on him as he continues to shake, or to stop herself from shaking, she doesn't know which anymore. Words of comfort clog her throat until she forces herself to whisper in his ear that 'it's okay'. 'That everything is going to be okay,' and she carries him back to bed, almost believing herself.-<p>

For a few days, minutes, seconds, _moments_ - she really thought she could have it all.

Her happily ever after.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Kate rubs soothing circles across Aaron's back, tear stains and flushed cheeks the only remnants of his late night crying jag. She's singing his favorite song, and despite the situation, a smile touches her lips at how innocent he looks. At how innocent he still is, and she sends a desperate wish into the air that he'll always remain that way. That Jack's angry shouting will be the worst thing he'll ever witness. She wants him to live the fairytale that much longer. Wants to live it herself, but the echoes won't allow her.

But the way he keeps clutching and un-clutching his stuffed dolphin, the way his eyelashes kept fluttering up and down, tells her his sleep is anything but restful. Her heart breaks a little more.

She wonders if he can still hear the echo of Jack's last words like she can.

_You're not even related to him. _

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ._

When she wakes the next morning, for a few peaceful seconds, the previous night doesn't exist. In this world, Jack has an early morning surgery scheduled, so the fact that he isn't beside her isn't something she questions or worries about. She smiles as her ring sparkles in the early morning sun and immediately her mind wonders to wedding planning and the few wedding magazines she has downstairs, pages already marked containing her favorite things. Her smile widens when she thinks about how adorable Aaron will look in a tux that matches Jack's.

She stretches, closes her eyes as she moves her arms over her head and to her side, and for the first time feels the cools sheets beside her. The warmth of happiness evaporates. She opens her eyes. Fingers slowly clench into the blue cotton until her knuckles are white with the strain. She's sure there are half moons in the palm of her hand, even through the cloth, when she feels the depth of her nails on her skin.

She remembers.

_Everything._

The anger. The accusations. The bottles of beer littering the coffee table.

Aaron interrupting.

The guilt. The secret. The promise she made to Sawyer.

For the first time that morning she feels the ache in her body, the puffiness in her eyes and cheeks, the rawness in her throat when she swallows. She pulls his pillow over to her side and over her face, holding it there until she screams away the tears, folding into herself while she still has the chance to do so.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Make-up carefully hides the circles underneath her eyes. She puts on a happy face for Aaron, even when he asks where Jack is. She pinches his cheek, tickles his stomach, and tells him Jack's just been really busy lately, but that he'll be seeing him soon. Staring into his blue eyes, the lie falls too easily off her lips. Probably because she half believes it herself.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Jack calls her a week later, wanting to schedule a time to pick up his things when Aaron isn't there. She almost, _almost_ gives him a time when Aaron will be there so that he can see what he'll be throwing away. So that he can see that they can be fixed. That she can fix this, _them_, if only he would allow her too. If only he would stop being so stubborn.

"Jack-"

"Kate. I can't."

In the end, she gives him a time when she won't be there either.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

But she still has hope.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The first time Jack calls her drunk out of his mind and talking about ghosts and Hurley, she humors him, because it's been two weeks since they last spoke and she misses him.

_She misses him._

She teases him about the horrible hangover he'll have tomorrow, trying to take his mind off of other things, hers too, and it seems to work. Almost. She can feel his smile through the phone and pictures the old Jack when he laughs and whispers,

"I miss you."

She twists the ring on her finger, suddenly very glad she hasn't given it back.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Aaron won't let her finish reading 'Alice in Wonderland' to him, stating to her that Jack tells the story better. Then he looks up at her, his eyes big, looking the tiniest bit scared, and asks if that hurt her feelings. Her heart melts and she laughs, her first genuine laugh in weeks, and kisses him on the forehead, telling him she doesn't mind. Jack _is_ better, but if he'll pick out another book she'll gladly practice her reading skills on him. He giggles and scampers off to his bookshelf to find the perfect story.

He comes back with, 'The Wizard of Oz'.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Jack sloppily kisses her with whiskey flavored breath and fucks her against the door of his apartment, the one he never gave up, even while living with her pretending to be a family with her. His beard scratches her face and there's an ache in her before they're even finished. He doesn't say 'I love you, doesn't ask about Aaron, doesn't admit he was wrong to leave, and she doesn't stay the night. When she gets back home, she laughs until she cries, back against the door to her bedroom.

Later, she'll think maybe that should have been her first clue.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

(Have you ever been in love, John?)

Hope wavers, but she doesn't give up on her dream. Not just yet.

Jack will clean himself up. Come back to her.

She compartmentalizes any doubt that creeps up inside her head, however small it is. Kate tells that part to shut the hell up because she's still trying to hold onto what was once her family; the one thing she's always always wanted for herself. Something she's always needed for herself.

_Fuck the island._


End file.
